The difference between “so what” and “fuck it”Posted: September 29, 2014
In my AA group we have a saying that surfaces in our meetings with great regularity: “So what?”.
For example: “I was really stressed out about getting the house ready for the birthday party until I caught myself and said ‘SO WHAT?’ So what if the toys aren’t all put away and there are dust bunnies under the furniture? Who cares?”
The “so what” reminder pops up so often in our conversations that I made each of us a pendant with a first name initial on the front and “so what?” on the back.
When I heard this song (Secrets by Mary Lambert) in my car recently, I couldn’t wait to share it with the group.
For me, “so what” is a positive tool to use in sobriety to reset my perspective. It’s different from “fuck it”, and I’ll try to explain why.
“Fuck it” was a common mental prelude to drinking when I was trying to quit. It was marked by resentment. Example: “I’m tired of being the only one in this house to take the garbage out. Fuck it, I’ll just do it and have a drink.”
Compare that to the “so what” response: “I see that the garbage is still there even though I asked Billy to take it out. So what? It’s not worth drinking over.”
While both expressions can signal an attitude of I DON’T CARE, “fuck it” means I don’t care enough about myself to deal with a situation in a healthy way. “So what” means I don’t care enough about the situation to allow it to threaten my serenity.
What do you think? Do you agree that “so what” is different from “fuck it”? Have you had a “fuck it” moment recently that you were able to turn around? (And do you love Mary Lambert as much as I do?)