One thousand days: reflections and advice to my former selfPosted: September 19, 2014
On December 24, 2011, at age 56, I had my last drink. I don’t know how many times I’d decided to quit before that. I don’t know what was different about that day, except that my husband had quit 6 days prior. Maybe that was the final push I needed. Today, as I celebrate 1,000 days of sobriety, I think it’s fitting to write a letter to my former self, which may also be a letter to someone who is reading this (is that you?). I’m still figuring out what works for me, and I humbly offer in Part I some practical suggestions for early sobriety based on what I’ve learned so far.
You know it’s time to quit drinking. With every attempt at long-term moderation, you disappoint yourself. It doesn’t matter that you haven’t hit society’s definition of “rock bottom”. You’re unhappy with yourself and the power that alcohol has over you. You’ve known for years that the only solution is to walk away from alcohol in the same way you would leave an abusive relationship, but you really can’t imagine life without it.
You can do it. There are steps you can take to get yourself sober and happy. Believe me, because I’ve done it.
First things first: get rid of any alcohol in the house. This is important. (If you live with someone who still drinks, ask them to support you. If they can’t or won’t eliminate alcohol from your home, you can still do this but it will be more difficult.)
Next, you have some shopping to do! Don’t tell me you have no money to spend, because you were spending at least $6/day (probably closer to $10) on wine, beer and spirits. Go to the grocery store and buy a bunch of non-alcoholic beverages. Sparkly, fruity, low-calorie, no calorie, high calorie. Whatever looks good. Pick up some candy while you’re there. Cookies and cake too.
Get a small notebook and pen to keep with you. You’re going to lose focus at times, so keep a daily log of what you’re doing and how you’re feeling. Just a few bullet points is good enough.
Your bed will be your safe place, so make it comfortable. Put on clean sheets, buy a new pillow, have a reading light handy. There will be times when all you can do at 8 pm is crawl into bed with a book or your hand-held reading device and wait for sleep to come.
Get connected to other sober people, online if you’re not ready to do it in person. Find websites and blogs. Put a sober days counter app on your phone.
Reward yourself. Three days sober? Yay! You deserve a treat.
Alter your routine. Drive home from work a different way. When you get home and your arm wants to reach for a bottle of wine, pour yourself one of your sparkly or fruity beverages instead. After dinner, go somewhere instead of sitting down to watch tv. Before bed, have a sweet treat. (You won’t need to do this forever, but in the beginning it will help.)
In the early days, people are going to piss you off. You will feel overwhelmed, angry and frustrated. This is when you’ll need to remind yourself that you will not drink today, no matter what. Write it down. “I am anxious about abc and angry about xyz”. Others around you may wish you were drinking. It doesn’t matter. You will not drink today. You’re sick of the empty promises you’ve made to yourself and you’re armed to succeed.
In Part II I’ll address building a life that supports long-term recovery. Stay tuned.